Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

Was it something I said?

QUICK LINKS:

1. What is Dirty Talk?
2. This is Your Brain on Obscenities: Why People Love Talking Dirty
3. Digital Love Letters: Sexting, Thirst Traps, & Sliding into DM’s
4. 8 Ways to Enhance Your Dirty Talk
5. The Best Dirty Talk Resources for Beginners
6. Trigger Words: 35 Dirty Talk Examples

What is Dirty Talk?

Dirty talk is the use of provocative language to enhance a sexual experience. Pet names, sexual commands, insults, and vivid erotic imagery are common dirty talk themes that can be used to embellish your erotic encounters.

Dirty talk is not just confined to the bedroom- it can take place before, during, or after a sexual experience with the goal of provoking, exciting, or arousing the listener.

This is Your Brain on Obscenities: Why People Love Talking Dirty

Would it surprise you to learn that the brain is our largest erogenous zone?  

“No single brain region holds one word or concept. A single brain spot is associated with a number of related words. And each single word lights up many different brain spots. Together they make up networks that represent the meanings of each word we use: life and love; death and taxes; clouds, Florida and bra. All light up their own networks,” says neuroscientist Jack Gallant, in an interview with The Guardian.

In other words, using provocative language in the bedroom can illuminate multiple areas of the brain. This process stimulates our auditory senses, while establishing a deeper understanding and connection to specific trigger words. By incorporating this type of language into pleasure-based scenarios, we begin to form strong associations between specific sounds and our pleasure.

Digital Love Letters: Sexting, Thirst Traps, & Sliding into DM’s

Gone are the days of arranging your booty calls via carrier pigeon. These days, messaging apps & dating platforms are en vogue, able to facilitate virtual encounters that offer new & creative ways to talk dirty. There are so many different ways to play in this digital playground, we’ve had to create special names in order to differentiate them. Take a look at five ways that people are redefining dirty talk in cyberspace:

Sexting
Sexting is a versatile form of dirty talk that involves sending sexually explicit messages, photos, videos, and/or audio recordings on a messaging app, dating app, or social sharing platform.

CyberSex
CyberSex, Virtual Sex, & FaceTime Sex are just a few ways that people refer to virtual sexual encounters, often hosted through a webcam site or application like Zoom & Google Hangouts. Because CyberSex eliminates the possibility of partnered touch, dirty talk is often used to enhance virtual playdates.

Thirst Trap
A (typically provocative & revealing) self-portrait designed to attract attention, most commonly in the form of compliments and praise. The term Thirst Trap first appeared on Twitter in 2011, meant to embody the desperate (aka thirsty) characteristics of early-2000’s selfie culture.

Sliding Into (Your/Their) DM’s
Soliciting a romantic or sexual conversation, typically with a total stranger, via a direct message (DM). “Sliding into DMs” is generally viewed as a low-risk way to indicate your romantic interest in a person.

Ghosting
To intentionally discontinue all forms of communication without explanation, in the hopes they will recognize you are no longer interested. Ghosting can occur in a variety of circumstances, and is not exclusive to sexual or romantic interactions.

8 Ways to Enhance Your Dirty Talk

1. Recycle Turn Off Words
   There are very few examples of what dirty talk sounds like outside of pornography so we often look to it as a source of inspiration, but pornography highlights a very specific style of dirty talk.
   
   If the “cum dumpster” vibe isn’t making you feel cute- recycle it. Dirty talk is most erotic when it feels genuine and authentic, so stick to terms that feel natural and familiar to you.
   
   
2. Vocalize What You See/Smell/Taste/Hear/Feel
   Describing what you see, smell, taste, hear, and feel can allow your loved ones to tap in to your sensual experience, heightening excitement, and increasing pleasure. Take a look at these sentence starters to see how you can invite your partner into your sensory experience:
   
   You look so sexy when…
   Do you feel how…
   I love how you…
   That feels amazing when…

3. Talk Back
   Conversations are not one sided. When we fail to respond to or validate our partners, we can make them feel discouraged and reluctant to engage. Talking dirty requires us to be vulnerable with one another- and that deserves acknowledgement. A simple “Yes, ma’am,” or “Thank you, daddy” can take your dirty talk experience to the next level.
   
   
4. Ask Questions
   Asking questions is the foundation for any great sexual experience and can reveal incredible details about your partners sexual preferences, kinks, and fantasies. If you find that your running low on original material, asking questions can be a wonderful way to reclaim the moment. Just be sure not to go overboard- most of us aren’t looking to be interrogated when we’re getting intimate.
   
   
5. Compliment Your Partners Performance
   Validation can sound very different in the context of some of our most intimate encounters. Have fun with creating different ways to compliment your partner for their performance, attitude, appearance, or sportsmanship.
   
   
6. Master Your Inflection & Pitch
   Say it like you mean it. Do you want to fuck me or do you want to fuck me? Pitch and inflection can influence a person’s sexual experience in dramatic ways. According to a recent study by Superdrug, one in five participants admitted to shutting down a sexual experience because of the dirty talk.

7. Get Creative with Word Play
   
   Once you start to develop some confidence with dirty talk, you might consider leveling up to more advanced word play. Experimenting with your inflection and vocabulary can make for some memorable dirty talk moments- that can feel sincere, exciting, or goofy. Don’t be afraid to look silly: the bedroom is your playground.

8. Keep it NSFW
   The best thing about dirty talk? You can do it anywhere, anytime. Thanks to modern technology, you can send a virtual calling card from anywhere in the world with complete discretion. This has not only revolutionized long-distance relationships, but has created an avenue for couples to commune digitally outside the walls of their home.

The Best Dirty Talk Resources for Beginners

It can take some time to get comfortable with talking dirty.

These dirty talk resources can be used to quell embarrassment, build confidence, and establish some familiarity with the art of dirty talk.

Juicebox’s SlutBot App: Master the art of sexting with your erotic virtual assistant, SlutBot. The SlutBot App offers the best interactive space for waxing erotic. Get personalized tips and recommendations, practice sexting, and discover new ways to communicate your fantasies with SlutBot, the app created by sex educators and erotic fiction writers.

Dipsea Audio Erotica: Want to hear a sexy story? Dipsea is a phone app containing over 500+ erotic audio stories & wellness guides. Dipsea creates immersive audio experiences designed to transport the listener into every story, with guest actors like Sarunas J Jackson, from HBO’s Insecure. Listen to people talking dirty, collect inspiration for future encounters, and awaken unknown pleasures on the Dipsea Erotica App.

Magnetic Poetry: “The best writing seems to be done almost by accident,” says author William Burroughs in his paper, The Cut Up Method. Beginners to dirty talk can use magnetic poetry to challenge themselves creatively and inspire playful dialogue with a partner. Invest in your favorite magnet sets to begin building your erotic word bank. We recommend the Erotic Poet, the Queer Poet, the Bitchy Poet, & the Obscenities Set for beginners to dirty talk.

The Casual Sex Project: Real stories about hook ups, authored by people just like you. The Casual Sex Project curate’s erotic stories from around the globe in an effort to provide realistic (and hot) examples of casual sex. It’s a wonderful source of inspiration for dirty talk aficionados, archived into ten, steamy categories.

Trigger Words: 35 Dirty Talk Examples

1. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
2. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.”
3. “I want to feel every inch of you.”
4. “I’m going to make a mess out of you.”
5. Don’t use words. Just mimic their moans.
6. “You taste amazing.”
7. “Tonight, you’re not allowed to finish until I say so.”
8. “Come get it.”
9. “I’m going to do whatever I want with you.”
10. “Do you feel how wet you made me?”
11. “Please fuck me.”
12. “Where do you want me to cum on this time, baby?”
13. “Spread your legs and let me look at you.”
14. “Let me take care of you.”
15. “You make me so excited.”
16. “I can tell that you’re enjoying this.”
17. “Ask for permission.”
18. “Get on your knees.”
19. “You look so fucking sexy right now.”
20. “I want to hear you beg for it.”
21. “Tell me how much you love it.”
22. “I’m going to drain you until you’re empty.”
23. “Look at this well-behaved little slut”
24. “Kiss me/Fuck me/Spank me.”
25. “Keep that pretty mouth open while I’m fucking it.”
26. “I love the way your tits bounce when you ride me.”
27. “I’m not going anywhere.”
28. “I want to see you cum.”
29. “Tell me when you’re close.”
30. “Who’s my favorite fuck-toy?”
31. “I love the way that you sound when you moan like that.”
32. “You can’t stand it when I touch you there, can you?”
33. "Who told you that you could have that?"
34. "It looks like you need to get fucked."
35. "I want you to milk me until I've got nothing left"

Further Readings:

How to Talk Dirty in Bed, According to Porn Stars: VICE
The Psychology Behind Dirty Talk, According to Science: Elite Daily
How to Use Dirty Talk to Hack Active Consent: Dipsea Audio Erotica

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS